I Know You Need Me but Not in the Way
Love songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.
Aught good can come of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout human history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and great families have blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a heart and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other mitt, that fourth dimension you told that girl you just started seeing that you would "grab a grenade" for her? You did that because of a love song. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she of a sudden decided to "lose your number" and move dorsum to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
"Information technology's just, my mom. You know? And L.A. is and so hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photo via iStock.
That time you lot held that nail box over your head outside your ex's house? You lot did that because of a dearest song. And fifty hours of customs service later, you're still not back together.
Beloved songs are cracking. They make our hearts beat faster. They inspire usa to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give usa terrible, terrible ideas almost how actual, real-life human relationships should work.
They're amazing. So amazing. And besides terrible.
Here are vi love songs that sound romantic but aren't, and ane vocal that doesn't audio romantic merely totally is:
1. "God Merely Knows," past The Beach Boys
Yous can go on your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."
When information technology comes to The Beach Boys, "God Just Knows" is where information technology's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A tie-dye swirl of audio. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the nearly heartrending lyrics e'er committed to the back of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
I may non always love you
But long equally there are stars above you
You never need to dubiousness it
I'll make you so certain nearly it
God just knows what I'd be without you
If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, you should really stop and start over.
If yous're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball net and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your mind, you need to rethink the choices that got you to this point.
If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're non underscoring it with the opening chords of "God But Knows," you lot are doing information technology wrong.
Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photograph by Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It's a song that but feels like dear. Pure love. Young love. Love with a chill, kelp-y vibe.
What could be wrong with that?
Here'south why it'south actually really, really unromantic:
There's nothing wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-meridian notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their pilus as they fall comatose while you whisper the consummate works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the dorsum porch of his firm, smoking a cigarette..." Photo past hatchettebookgroup.biz.
But there is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much.
If you should ever go out me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could prove cipher to me
So what good would living do me?
Expect, I become information technology. Breakups suck. At that place'southward no getting around that. But good God.
There'due south a huge difference between maxim: "Hey babe, you are my beginning and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you become." And proverb: "Welp, you accepted that job in Seattle, so I'm just gonna chug a agglomeration of nightshade and phone call it a life."
Merely that's pretty much the gist hither. Which makes this line...
God only knows what I'd exist without you
...horror-film creepy. Because the answer, apparently, is: "I'd exist a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a proficient run. Photo via iStock.
That'south not love. That'southward codependency (to put information technology mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. Information technology's a form of emotional abuse.
Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any relationship — ane that, by definition, might one solar day cease — is putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Sure, God may only know what you'd be without her, but God probably also hopes yous have, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga form. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.
"Yeah! Hell yeah! What was her name once again?" Photograph past Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.
One person cannot exist anyone's be-all and end-all. It'due south also stressful. And it prevents you lot from doing you, which is a thing that's gotta be washed earlier you can do anything else.
No wonder she took that chore in Seattle.
ii. "Treasure," past Bruno Mars
Sure, it'south a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song you've e'er heard. But, we don't have Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts go, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Look at that face up. That face! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.
Hither'due south why the song sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what you are
Honey, you're my golden star
Yous know you can make my wish come true
If you lot let me treasure y'all
If you let me treasure y'all
Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade brand-out party and yous'll probable become an instant cost pass on the highway to tongue-boondocks (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date nighttime is going to culminate in 47 minutes of celibate-notwithstanding-passionate frenching.
Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a end sign, and they will think y'all're weird — but probably however make out with you lot.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this song.
This is what happens when you lot write "Treasure" and you're on phase with Michelle Obama. Photograph by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'm OK with that.
But, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:
Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes most gender.
"Children, have I ever told you what I shouted at your mother on the street the first time nosotros met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things start to go south correct from the very offset:
Give me your, requite me your, give me your attending, baby
I gotta tell yous a petty something near yourself
Ah yes. Nix screams "respect" quite similar a man lecturing a strange woman on the street about something she "doesn't know almost herself."
What could it exist? Could information technology exist that her jokes are funny? Could information technology be that she's got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction volume well-nigh early on modern German history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Thank you for teaching me all almost Martin Luther's bible!" Photograph past Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alert: Information technology'due south none of those.
You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady
But yous walk around here like you wanna be someone else
Oh. It's that she's sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Word of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, it actually doesn't affect her day-to-day so much that yous, a consummate stranger, need to shout it at her (even over a funky disco snare).
So what if she does desire to exist someone else? I'd love to exist someone else! I think beingness Ryan Gosling would be quite overnice. A adept way to spend a iii-24-hour interval weekend.
Sure, at that place'd be an adjustment menses... Photo by Eamonn 1000. McCormack/Getty Images.
And so later, of course, the narrator can't assist himself:
Pretty daughter, pretty girl, pretty daughter, you should be smiling
A girl similar you should never look and so bluish.
He respects her so much, he's really directly-up telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to go off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you lot know, I guess everybody'south got a affair.
Yeah, in the world of "Treasure," a salubrious relationship is an unending stream of a homo complimenting a foreign adult female and said woman being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sexual practice."
He then gain to talk to his potential lover like the world'south creepiest pirate:
You are my treasure, you lot are my treasure
Yous are my treasure, yeah, you, you, y'all, you are
You are my treasure, you lot are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you, yous, you, you are
By this point, in his heed, she'due south a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could be worse, though. At least she'southward not simply any thing.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That's ... something, correct?
3. "Don't Think Twice, Information technology's All Right," by Bob Dylan
For as long as humans have been dating each other, humans take been breaking up with each other. And "Don't Remember Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going downwards in flames. Glorious, poetic, audio-visual flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Here'due south why it sounds romantic:
Well, information technology own't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
Even you don't know by now
And it own't no utilize to sit and wonder why, babe
It'll never do somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Expect out your window, and I'll exist gone
You're the reason I'thou a-traveling on
But don't call back twice, it'southward all right.
Nail. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation similar whoa.
"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It'south the song your older sister played on continuous loop for 6 months after her boyfriend left for college. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller task, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chinkle store in Mendocino. The vocal your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your high schoolhouse band over to his apartment to jam.
"What timbre are you looking for?" Photograph by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Sure, it'south nearly the finish of a human relationship, just it sounds romantic. And at the terminate of the solar day, shouldn't that be enough?
Here's why information technology's actually sooooo messed up:
Relationships terminate. For a lot of reasons. And while at that place is no correct fashion to phone call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion near what went wrong.
Information technology's not me, Joan. It'southward yous. 100% you lot. Photo by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Recall Twice," that give-and-take basically boils down to: "It'south your fault."
Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, correct? Yous're all like, "Baby, I simply have and so much unspecified love to give," and she'due south like, "Accept out the trash!" And you're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my middle be enough?" And she's like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the domestic dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need you lot to practice is take out the trash." And you're like, "Y'all're bumming me out. I'm gonna go play guitar." And so she gets all mad! What did you do? Why is she trying to alter y'all? UGH!
You lot could have done improve, just I don't mind
Yes. You do listen! Y'all listen! You wrote a song well-nigh it, you passive-aggressive prick.
You just kinda wasted my precious fourth dimension
Ah yes. Your fourth dimension is so precious! Think nearly all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when you could have been futzing effectually with that home-brew kit.
Yep, this was worth it. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.
The minute you start breaking information technology downwardly, the message of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Similar your sister's ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and at present might be in jail. Like your aunt's wind chime store, which would accept airtight forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Similar your friend's cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.
"You kids want a beer? No one's under 13, correct?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yep, and the song'south narrator also betoken-bare refers woman he's leaving as:
A child, I'm told
That'southward right. In addition to being a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive wiggle — turns out, he's besides possibly a pedophile.
Fifty-fifty if we are to accept that this is a metaphor and she's not really a child — which at that place's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an young partner reflects way more poorly on him than information technology does on her.
Breaking up with anyone in such a barbarous, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may exist the point.
4. "Leaving on a Jet Airplane," by John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bloodshot folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?
This guy. Photo by Hughes Television set Network/Wikimedia Eatables.
Hither's why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Airplane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were withal kind of new at the fourth dimension it was written.
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
To a mod ear, this would be sort of similar singing, "I'chiliad a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a mode that'due south somehow withal folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summertime camp. Not easy to do!
Oh babe, I detest to go
Yous meet — he hates to become! He simply hates it! Nosotros know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he hate to get if he didn't love his partner just that much?
Meet ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Eatables.
Why indeed?
Hither's why information technology's actually not that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can but distract so much from the fact that the song's main character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — information technology doesn't really seem like he hates being abroad all that much:
There'south so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played effectually
I tell you at present, they don't mean a thing
"Baby, I promise! All the movies I watched alone while you lot were abode nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Similar, I had a fantastic time. But rest bodacious — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"As empty equally this bed I just finished having sex with someone else in." Photograph via iStock.
Yes, when you pause it downward, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to beloved overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'southward "practiced" despite all evidence to the opposite.
And for all he claims to exist broken upwardly nearly having to function from his one and but, the dude seems pretty excited well-nigh the flight. Oh, y'all're leaving on a jet plane, are you? Are y'all Zone i? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter well-nigh the "terrible" Cibo express salad you were forced to choke down every bit you sabbatum waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious adventure?
"Life so hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you lot
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you
Ah cool. He'll think nearly her while strumming and making "my love is delicate as the morning time dew" eyes at a waif-y grad pupil in the front row. That pretty much makes up for it all.
Then he demands:
So osculation me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Afterwards all the betrayal and heartbreak, afterwards basically revealing himself to be a course-A sleaze who can't be trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?
And here's the kicker:
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding band
Ah aye. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.
Dissimilar all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, drained the family bank account, and just been a full general screwup and thwarting.
But yeah. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding band.
I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
v. "When a Homo Loves a Adult female," Percy Sledge
When you look upwards "soul" in the dictionary, the volume plays yous a recording of this song.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photograph by Factor Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, it plays you the very first line.
Hither'due south why it sound very romantic:
When a man loves a adult female
Sure, you tin can write the lyrics down, merely information technology doesn't even come up close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious pain-belting:
WHEN A Human being LOVES A Woman
Closer ... merely however no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It's an elemental lyric.
It'due south a heart-shattering lyric.
It's a lyric that demands y'all put your back into it.
It's perfection.
As long every bit yous don't keep listening.
Here'south why the vocal is actually pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," we know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a adult female.
Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said woman?
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the pelting
If she said that's the way
It ought to be.
Whoa! OK. No. Support. A man, no affair how devoted, no matter how selfless, no thing how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man will die of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.
No! Jeez. No. A human tin can't put up with that kind of isolating beliefs. A man needs friends! Once a man's whole back up organization erodes out from under him, a human being volition exist bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a man's mental health will deteriorate.
I gave you everything I have
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love
Baby, please don't treat me bad.
This is not what happens "when a human being loves a woman." It'south what happens when a homo loves a controlling, manipulative woman. An abusive adult female. A woman who, in truth, but loves a woman. Herself.
"It'due south Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.
And that's not healthy.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for y'all.
(Side note: Lest it get unsaid, there is way more than than one way for a man to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they slumber in split up bedrooms. Mayhap they dress upward in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a adult female. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of delivery, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there'southward no 1-size-fits-all dear solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Multifariousness is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. There's more than than ane way to skin a true cat. A spoonful of carbohydrate helps the medicine get downwards.
It doesn't matter if it'due south the right metaphor, as long as it's a metaphor. Photo past Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Betoken being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek aid! You tin exercise this! And if you ever discover yourself in a similar situation, delight give these people a call.
vi. "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," Heart
Honestly, Heart could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/Globe's Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would make me want to bawl my eyes out in the arms of a tall, dark stranger at the end of a pier.
This vocal is perfect. You should e'er be listening to information technology. If you're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the face and Google information technology. Information technology's only that of import.
I am singing the phone book. You are weeping like a tiny baby. Photo by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
And so much passion. So much pain. So much hair.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Center sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a central tribute to the ane truthful romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Globe: picking up an unnervingly attractive man for one nighttime of mind-blowing sex activity so releasing him back into the wild to bone — but never quite as compellingly e'er over again.
They sing:
It was a rainy nighttime when he came into sight
Continuing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled upwardly alongside and I offered him a ride
He accustomed with a grinning and so we drove for a while
I don't have to continue because yous know what happens next, and it's awesome.
"I only sit in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photograph by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
Now, hither's why this song is not romantic at all:
The human relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too good to be true. And it is. Because it'due south not an every bit loving ,or even equally lusty, pairing at all.
It'southward a...
Information technology'south a...
Well. You lot know what it is:
Practiced at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photograph by Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are bustling along just fine, similar any wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:
I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the pelting
Fate, tell me it'southward right, is this love at get-go sight?
Certain, many of us might hesitate to pick up a strange leather-jacket-clad human standing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, but our narrator just has a feeling almost this guy, and sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.
I can respect that.
Nosotros made magic that nighttime
He did everything right
Keen! Seems like information technology was a proficient decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.
Merely so, without warning, the vocal starts to sound less like an best great romance and more like a story men's rights activists tell each other as they vape around a campfire:
I told him "I am the flower, you are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't endeavour to find me, please don't you cartel
Merely alive in my memory, you'll e'er be at that place"
I'm not a poet. Symbolic linguistic communication frequently eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly mean wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sex was commencement invented in the early-1970s, nosotros're talking nearly a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
How-do-you-do! Photo past Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.
Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You might exist tempted to call back, "Maybe Eye meant something else by that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:
So it happened one mean solar day
Nosotros came round the same style
You tin can imagine his surprise
When he saw his ain optics
There are 2 possibilities here.
One: The narrator of the vocal is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from nine years agone:
Photograph by eyedonation.org.
Or two: She totally conned a dude into whipping upward a babe on the sly.
I said, "Delight, please understand
Ah, sure. Yeah. No worries.
I'one thousand in honey with some other man
Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no style the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not i but 2 lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the one petty thing that you can"
A HUMAN LIFE! A Real SENTIENT Human being LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The best you can say about that is that it's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should take been responsible for his own birth control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .
But ... it'southward not cute. Information technology's not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves agree).
And at the end of the day, the shadiest character in this vocal is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is proverb something.
But at that place is a honey song that is truly, madly, securely perfect. An unassailable track in a body of water of problematic faves.
A song that does everything right.
A song that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to concluding.
A vocal that can double equally a manual for the platonic human romantic relationship.
And that song is...
"Processed Shop," past 50 Cent, featuring Olivia
Here'southward why you might be — OK, nearly definitely are — skeptical:
50 Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photograph past Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
Equally catchy as "Candy Store" is, every bit fun it is to dance to, and as cathartic as it can be to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.k., in that location'due south no getting around the fact that the vocal begins similar this:
I'll take you to the processed store
I'll let y'all lick the lollipop
I'll mail service that again, in case you missed some of the nuance:
I'll take you to the processed shop
I'll let y'all lick the lollipop
Mode to take one for the team, narrator of "Processed Shop"!
At beginning glance, "Candy Store" is nobody's idea of a archetype dear song.
The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The beat is kinda bones. The hook is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
Information technology doesn't get played much anymore. When information technology does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
It's not a song you'd put on a mixtape for your crush. It's not a song you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at habitation with the babysitter and you've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It'south certainly not a song you'd include on the video photograph montage you made for your grandparents' silver anniversary.
It's just non.
But it should be.
So here it is. Here's why "Candy Store" by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship song:
You wanna dorsum that thing upwardly or should I push upward on it? Photograph by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission slip. It's merely been 20 seconds, and you're already getting set to hang it up with "Candy Shop."
But so ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the form of a female vocalism joining the track, cut through the din similar a blaring call.
She sings:
I'll take you to the candy shop (yeah)
Male child, i sense of taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll take you spendin' all y'all got (come up on)
Keep going 'til you hit the spot, whoa
It's common! Information technology's mutual! They're performing oral sexual practice on each other!
Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Go, cunnilingus doves, go! Photo by liz west/Flickr.
50 Cent himself may not be the world's greatest partner — for example, according to ane of his exes, he'south done some pretty unforgivable things.
Only the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:
Yous could have it your way, how practise yous want it?
Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he'south with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'thou going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in yous!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'thou going to treat you similar a chest full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Brand Love to Y'all," ("I'm going to flim-flam you into knocking me up!") — the "Candy Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the world of popular music, is practiced for well-nigh 50,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Dorsum of the rental? The beach? The park?
It'south whatever you're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I ain't finished education you 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... believing nigh his desires.
But here'due south the key thing: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's clearly into information technology. And we know this because she says so.
The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are bright red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly glutinous club floor.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo by Grim23/Wikimedia Eatables.
Daughter what we do ...
And where we practise ...
The things nosotros do ...
Are just between me and you
No matter how nasty they freak, it will be intimate. It volition be private. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you exist a nympho, I'll be a nympho
Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the case of "Candy Store") minutes long.
She may have a loftier sex drive, but dude is graciously offer to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might go the altitude after all.
And at the terminate of the day, what is a relationship but two nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Thanks, Obamacare! Photograph by Wonderlane/Flickr.
It'south like information technology'southward a race who could get undressed quicker
Once again, everybody is having a peachy time. And, critically, an as smashing fourth dimension.
I affect the correct spot at the right time
Of form, it wouldn't exist a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random braggadocio, just if nosotros're to take him at his word, "Candy Shop" guy is at least equally good at "doing everything right" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Exercise is Make Love to You" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.
The "Candy Store" guy is a keeper. Considering he'southward not a hero or a stranger in the nighttime or a funky, shimmering love god. He'due south a expert partner.
"Candy Shop" is raunchy. Information technology'south dirty. It's non your grandmother's love song.
But when you strip abroad the swagger, the back beat, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Eye Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the day, isn't that what a salubrious relationship is all about?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Photograph by Francois Durand/Getty Images.
And so seductive.
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Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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